In the US, we are living in the most disrespectful era of my 51 years. Children disrespect their parents in ways unimaginable even 20 years ago. Parents have been tricked into believing authority is bad and should never be called upon.
Current TV shows make Roseanne look like Ozzie and Harriet (look them up). Our music is full of profanity and hostility (not just that of course), and our government is led by a White House and Congress who routinely mock, scold, and belittle one another. Ugh.
How about us? In our own family of churches, we developed (and accepted) over many years a culture of bravado based on limited metaphors, often taken from Hollywood, which we assumed were “true.” Think, for example, of Rocky III when Adrian & Apollo are yelling at a numb Rocky to “awaken” his convictions—and hey, it worked! Think of General Patton slapping a shell-shocked soldier (well, that didn’t go so well), or Morgan Freeman slapping Denzel in “Glory.” (A lot of slapping going on).
Yes, there’s a time and place for slaps, for intervention, and that’s what such scenes depict. But if use our heads for a minute, we’ll see those kinds of encounters are rare. They should be rare. Interventions are rare. Discipling influence was never meant to resemble Major Payne. Or corporate culture. Marital life, family life, best friend-life, and church life, by colossal contrast, should be full of encouragement, gentleness, vision, faithfulness, protection (and everything else in 1 Cor 13), and especially, Respect. Let 1 Peter 2:17 sink in for a few days: show proper respect to everyone.
God honors us (Isaiah 43:4). He does not disrespect us, even though he has the moral ground to do so. He does not mock us, despise us, belittle us. How much more are we to honor one another above ourselves (Romans 12:10)? Humility about ourselves and respect for others should be humming in the background of every conversation, every conflict resolution, every critique, every appeal, every “challenge” and every sermon. A restoration of mutual respect would breathe new life into the fellowship. How, then, are we doing in this vital area? Some test areas:
- If you’re an elder or evangelist, how do you treat your ministers? Do they feel your belief and respect? Do you like and need to hear their voice, their opinions, their experiences, or are such times of expression just kindling for argument, anger, disapproval, or even dismissal?
- If you’re in the ministry, how do you treat God’s people? Do you look down on their struggles or admire their resilience? Do you assume the worst or the best? Do you see the glass always half-empty? Do you delight in or lament your congregation generally?
- If you’re a member, do you look down on ministers (full time)? Do you assume they are “out of touch” because they don’t have “a real job” like you? Do you tend to think they have blinders on while you see the “real scoop” about the church? Do you regard their role as having value as great as yours? A job as valuable as yours?
- Do we honor and admire pace-setting churches, leaderships, and missionaries, or seek to denigrate their experiences and explain away past miracles of collaboration with God? What insecurities are speaking there?
- Do you totalize the past of our churches as a series of terrible mistakes (if only we were as wise and prescient!), or do you see the good that was done, the sincerity of heart offered by most, and deeds/sacrifices worthy of respect? Can we honor the whole story even while diligently learning from dark chapters?
- When a message (or article, like this one) doesn’t resonate with you, do you assume there must be something wrong with it? What if it helps many?
- If you are an older Christian, do you look down on the young? Paul told Timothy not to let that happen, but sometimes it does. Do you dismiss them as zealots who “have a lot to learn”? It’s a splendid way to guarantee they’ll tune you, the wise, out. I speak from experience on both ends.
- If you are a younger Christian, do you look down on the older? Do you find yourself criticizing their limited schedules, how early they go to bed, how little they find time to evangelize, how preoccupied they seem to be with career and kids? Do you vow never to be like them when you are older?
- If you’re a male leader or husband, do you look down on women? I used to look down on my wife, and I regret it every day. My own insecurity talked me into thinking she needed to “pipe down.” Now I have found the more I want to hear her voice, the more she is sensitive to my leadership responsibilities. Respect breeds respect.
- Do we look down on teen parents whose teens struggle? Assume we know better? Assume our kids would never “have those struggles”? Declare that we can “struggle-proof” our kids we “proper” parenting?
- If you’re a bible scholar, do you look down on those who prefer a storied approach to preaching, in which life stories occupy a great deal of the sermon (kind of like Jesus’s parables)? Do you hector the movement about “Deep Bible Study”? What about ordinary Bible Study?
- If you’re a more storied preacher, do you look down on intellectuals and scholars as “unrelatable”? Do you scoff at “Deep Bible Study”? Is there a place for that?
- Take the Myers Briggs test as expressed on humanmetrics.com. If you’re a “Guardian” type leader, do you think of Idealists as impractical and dreamy? Does everything have to be nailed down? Do we have to have everything under control? Is this a biblical need or your need? Does everyone have to be rallied to the same event, same cause?
- If your are an “Idealist” type leader, do you think of Guardians as being obsessed with detail while missing the big picture? Does everything have to spring from ideal motivation or its no good? Does everything have to spring from principle or it’s suspect? Is that a bible need or your need?
- When disciples are fearful, are they in sin? What if they’re working on it? Should they just “get over it” and “move on”? Does struggling with fear mean they are disobedient to God? When my young son was wrestling with fears, I can’t remember thinking it was an issue of him being disobedient to me. Is there a respectful, life-giving way to come alongside people in fear?
Respect is Christianity 501. And here’s the hardest part: this whole discussion fails if what we take away is a determination to make sure we’re respected. If we go to church, go to meetings, and read articles looking for whether or not we’re respected, then we are in holy trouble, because Respect is a gift from God, and a gift we give rather than demand. In fact, demanding respect, or looking for disrespect with a chip on our shoulder is itself disrespectful. Let’s vow today to be people who give Respect.
If I’m on the right track with this, you’ll likely have a hard time respectfully disagreeing.
Scott R Green
Elder, Evangelist
Seattle church of Christ