The first thing to understand is that when we adopt a child we are following in God’s footsteps. Adoption is not “natural”; it takes a decision of faith and love. It is not something we have to do. It will, however, stretch our love and teach us about unconditional love—as God has loved us.
When we take in a child we did not give birth to, and does not look like us, nor has the same background or nationality us, there may be unforeseen difficulties we may face. In addition, the child may very well have extra challenges or special needs.
If we have biological children, adoption will teach them about acceptance, sharing, and compassion in a way that will transform who they are.
Mark and I adopted Esther when she was six months old. She is now seventeen years old, a disciple of Jesus, and a beautiful young woman inside and out. I am so proud of her. In fact, this experience has been such a positive one, that we are now in the process of adopting another child. Even our three biological children all want to adopt children someday when they have families of their own.
Adopting Esther has been one of the best experiences of my life and one that has transformed me. At the same time, adopting is tough. More often than not adopted children come from challenging backgrounds. The biological mother may not have wanted the child, and may have been a substance abuser. All those factors affect a child negatively. Abandonment issues will traumatize adopted children. In our case, Esther had a challenging first few years of her life; until the age of six she had violent temper causing tantrums several times a day. Her rage controlled our family life. It was tough and also very painful to watch a young child suffer so much. I had to become a patient mother, a more tolerant and accepting mother. Raising Esther has taught me to love someone who is completely different from me.
If you already have biological children, don’t be deceived – it won’t feel quite the same! When you carry a child for nine months, give birth, breastfeed, you have a deep bond! You won’t have that with an adopted child – and that’s ok! We can grow to love an adopted child as much as a biological child, but it may not feel exactly the same, especially at first.
Honestly, the love I feel for Esther is just as intense as the love I have for my other children, but it is different in some aspects. It is a love that has been nurtured through a process of commitment to persevere with her, of getting to know her, and of making a daily decision never to give up no matter what.
The process of adoption is not perfect. There will be hurt, disappointment, pain, anger, and probably lots of tears. There are many costs to count before taking such a crucial step. Obviously, it is not for everyone.
In spite of all this, as I look at my daughter today, I am so glad we adopted her. I am more like Christ because of that journey. If we hadn’t adopted her, where would she be today? What would she be doing?
I thank God for allowing us to adopt a child into our family.
See Esther's story at http://www.liveit2giveit.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=201&Itemid=1.
