Common life experiences, even positive ones, may elicit feelings of grief. Although grief can be a powerful emotional experience, it is, sadly, a misunderstood one. We have been taught indirectly through society and those around us not to feel bad, to be strong for others, grieve alone, to keep busy or to simply try to replace our losses. None of these approaches lend themselves to the healing of a broken heart.
The emotions of unfinished business or the adjustment to new life circumstances can cause an individual to experience intense grief. The solutions that most turn to are intellectual in nature, never allowing the person to really deal with the deeper emotions that accompany these changes. In reality, these events or situations can be emotionally devastating. While the reactions may be different depending on the individual, the fact is that no matter how we approach it, change produces stress and, many times, grief as well.
It is inherent in most people to resist circumstances that produce change. As Christians, we must be willing to surrender to what God has placed beyond our control.
Surrender creates both personal victory and peace. While here on earth we may never understand some of the trials we have been called to face. Jesus told us: “I have told you these things, so that in me you will have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
We need to learn to open our hands to God and release those burdens by surrendering to Jesus. When we do, we will be able to fully accept and, in some cases with job or home transitions, enjoy the change. Of course, with a loss of a pet, home or job, this may be different, but we can overcome and find peace.
There are many approaches available to help us move forward during times of change. The following have been proven to assist during periods of transition… both great and small:
- It is beneficial to acknowledge your loss in a direct way. Uncertainty can create fear. Purchase a journal. Identify specifically your fears, concerns and feelings. This will help you see what has happened to you with more clarity and understanding.
- Embrace your pain… allow yourself to feel. It is good to be alone at times. This helps you to process the events that have occurred in your life.
- Maintain good nutrition. Increase your intake of fruits and vegetables. Avoid processed foods.
- Keep your daily routine as normal as possible. Create time in your schedule. Give yourself space to adjust to your change in circumstances.
- Avoid seeking emotional relief with alcohol, medications or drugs.
- Read uplifting books or articles. Read your Bible. Focus on individuals who overcame great adversity with God’s help (Joseph, David, Ruth, etc.)
- Get a half hour of exercise every day. Exercise increases endorphins (happy hormones) and will enable you to think more clearly.
- Consider taking a multivitamin and mineral supplement…change can deplete our reserves of these essential building blocks of health.
- Give yourself grace and accept that this is a difficult time in your life… it is natural to miss people and places which were once a part of your daily routine.
- Identify a few friends who are great listeners… share your heart with them.
- Remember God’s miracles. The cultivation of a grateful heart despite tremendous adversity helps promote healing.
Most of us have experienced times of great loss. If not, we will. Some of us have lost parents, spouses, siblings and children. Many of us have moved. Some of us have lived with chronic disease. Despite the fact that we would not choose these things for ourselves they do refine us.
Our vision is limited, God’s view is eternal. James tells us: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” (James 1:2-4)
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